I started taking medicines for Depression nearly 1 and half year before. I still remember I was not working up to the mark and my creativity was Lagging. I was not so Productive at work and I still remember that Manager calling me and asking me about my works imperfections. This guy actually started hurting me after I asked for my Salary. So I am still concerned wheather my Decision was correct at all.
I am now away from 2 Medicines that i used regularly. One is Wellbutrin and another is Fluoxetine. The thing is now i am expeiancing withdrawals or in other words a Relapse of what i experianced before i was taking Medicines. I thought adding a Antidepressant to my combo of wellbutrin will helo but it didnt. I am now feeling very dysfunctional even with two medicines. Ofcourse if i gointo forums they will say to try new doses and stuff like that but I dont think it will work. I am sad to feel dependent on the drugs in first place because the act of going to psycatrsit waiting in Queue and all is just so boring, disturbing and meaningless for me.
I am not being able to gain any progress after the initial hype i recieved from taking wellbutrin and stuff and i am starting to question wheather I was more creative before I started the medicines. When looking at that I can see that this Cult Leader has really pushed me to take Therapy and I took Medicine instead and I am concerned because this same guy told me his members especially a black guy used to take antidepressants. I am concerned his Further terming of me as Paranoid and Delusional have something to do with that. Like maybe he wants me to Lose my sight of his Dangerous Cult Control by taking medicines myself.
So inorder to impress him I started taking medicines and why because I have Paranoia from watching Porn so I should take medicines to get rid of Paranoia right? The way he knows that I had trauma also responsible for that.I need to realize the fact that this guy want a machine to work for him without any feelings and stuff. That was crazy but true. He didnt loved me ever all he wanted was someone to lead his meetings and Morally fund his Chrsitian Cult Movement.
But Taking Medicines has helped me a little but to Stick to my No Nicotine Journey but currently if i Look back to me I can actually go without medicines and I dropped medicines to a zero level naturally by redusing dosages and I think If i can overcome the withdawals for some time I will be able to get more Clarity about my current situatuions and this Clarity will help me a lot to keep on stop smoking Journey. Because i think using medicines for so long has made me dependent on it for evething involving getting up at morning visitng temple and running services to work. I need to realize that just taking medicines doesnt make all my life issues correct.
One of main misconception is that the Energetic High from medicine will always increase my productivity at workplace and makes me so Efficient. Although it may help something that is already there but continuosly depending up on it for so long will destroy that “thing” it tends to boost initially. That :”thing” is achieved by Months of Mindfull Training.
I am currently not smoking so I think its a good time to stay away from all sorts of drugs and make drug sobreity my priority for some days to months and see what happens. I believe everything will comeback normal and I will be able to start living life allNormal again.Maybe I will face some uneasiness but what is life without uneasiness. I still remember the third guy that told me to continue drugs was the Therapist,so if i see when someone try to Help me but Later learnt i am little bit hard to help.They suddenly forwar me to medicines because why I am taking it not them. My Body is depending on a drug not theirs.For them its just like some other narcisstic rant where they have all the provisions to show their anger without any drug to mitigate that but me shouldnt.
I believe I eneter nearly 21 Days without drugs and that a good thing.My Body Can stand without drugs and I think it will increase my insights and most probably it takes 2-3 months for me ot feel eerything same againbut meanwhile i eperiance that i have string urges to take drugs.