I am fighting with my inner demons in a regular basis for many days now. The thing is i feel exhausted, lazy, unmotivated, sleepy and crazy sometimes. I have bit of resentments and also frutration because nothing i am trying is getting into completeion. Thats what something that guy also told me , maybe its true after all. No discipline to complete anything and this is where the cults come to play because they force me to do things because doing service is done by force to me by them. so because of that i believe that force will make me disciplined but i am sad that no hindus or similar peoples like to behave like that to me. For example i am always a second one in the group of christian cults and the preference will always be to white american supremacists.
My Addiction plays a ggeat role in my misery but its a symptom that makes me depressedin times of depession. I had feelings that ae not treated well. The whole world appear me to be something that lacks reality or in other way Worthy. Thats what i feel i dont feel the world around me is worthy to livve.I dont know if someone elese will relate with that buts thats exatly wht i feel so what will soemone do if they think whole world is not worthy to live?
They will probably get pissed off rightand get bored will stop doing things that made them so engagin once. theere is no meaning that people dont makes sense. for you all of them are just voices like minions or puppets that are not traumatised. and because they are not they dont get enough shock to disconct from mlife while i get the drastic shock to dissociate and continue it.’
sometimes i feel i am lliitle better becauyse the miseries if life of those world minded people make me scared,, because i stay in some random place of existence.